How To Grow A Mullet
Posted on Nov 10, 2007 under How To Grow A Mullet |Let me start off by saying that How2Blogger is not encouraging the growth of mullets by any of its readers, and in no way will be responsible for any bodily harm or loss of employment or evictions resulting from mullet growth.
How To Grow A Mullet
1. Decide what kind of look you are trying to achieve. “Mullet” is a broad classification of a type of hairstyle - there are a number of sub-classifications.
- Is most of your time spent in business meetings or meeting clients for lunch? Think about The Business Mullet.
- Do you spend a lot of time at Wal-Mart? Is your drink of choice Bud Light? Consider the Mulletino.
- The Mulhawk is a classic combination of the Mullet and the Mohawk. Note: In the picture below you have yet another combination - the Mulhawk and the MidgieMul - producing the rarely spotted in public - MidgieMulHawk.
These are but 3 of many styles of mullet available. Visit MulletsGalore for a more in depth classification breakdown, or if you’re the artistic type - consider freestyling your own mullet grow pattern (really a project for the more experienced mullet growers. If this is your first attempt at a mullet, you should stick to one of the more basic patterns on this first grow).
2. Once you’ve decided on a “style” for your mullet, head to Wal-Mart or your local pub at 11 AM to see some mullets up close and personal. Get to know the style, because it’s not just a hairstyle, it’s a lifestyle.
3. While at Wal-Mart, pick up a few sleeveless t-shirts, or if you want, have a friend rip the sleeves off your t-shirt - this is best done while you’re still wearing it.
4. Next, you’ll need a good pair of boots. Though you’ll be spending a lot more time barefoot, a pair of boots is going to come in handy for trips to Wal-Mart.
5. Buy an old junk Camaro to park in your driveway. Try to keep it under $600. Spend as many hours as possible drinking Bud Light with the Camaro’s hood up.
6. That’s really about it. Oh yeah, if you have short hair, begin your mullet by no longer cutting the hair on the back of your head as it grows out. This could take any where from 3 to 6 months to achieve the proper lengths. If your hair is longer - you lucky dog - grab a Bud Light and have your cousin cut the hair on the sides and top of the head short.
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by Kali, on December 1 2007 @ 7:27 pm
Too funny! How about Duane ‘Dog’ Chapman?
by How2Blogger, on December 1 2007 @ 8:47 pm
Dog. Now that’s a beautiful mullet, and he definitely understands the lifestyle.