SubscribeOk. Now I know you all are going to ask - No, I am not a famous rock star. And no, I haven’t managed a famous rock star. And no, I’m not friends with any famous rock stars.
I have spent a great amount of time thinking about rock stardom though.
How To Become A Rock Star
1. Change your name. Think about it - Joe Schmoe or whatever your name is probably isn’t going to cut it. All of the big rock stars have rock star names.
- Axel Rose
- Jon Bon Jovi
- Eddie Van Halen
- Hootie
That’s just a few of the bigger ones - but you should get the idea.
2. Develop a chemical dependency problem. This will be important towards the end of your career. You’ll be able to use it to get that last bit of publicity that you’ll be clinging to at that point. And if you’re able to kick it at that point - Wow! So many possibilities - you can relapse or you can write really personal songs about the rough life you’ve led and what drugs you’ve had to overcome. Look at Amy Winehouse - she’s just starting out, but she’s really got it down. And well, of course Brit.
3. Buy at least one pair of super tight jeans. Leather if you can afford them. If not leather, a good hole in the knee always looks stylish if you’re holding a guitar.
4. Record as many episodes of “The Surreal Life” as you can. You might have a shot at being cast for this show.
5. Record as many episodes of “I love the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s, 2000’s” as you can. You will be asked to comment for this show.
6. Remember, your goal is to be playing huge stadiums looking something like this:
So start practicing even if you don’t have a guitar.
7. If you don’t have a guitar, it’s time to invest in Guitar Hero. A whole new generation of rock stars are practicing in their living rooms right now - and you don’t want to miss the bus. Plus, if you can be good at this game - you definitely have the chops to make it for real.
It’s really about dedication and practice. How much do you want it?
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by Derek Anderson, on November 25 2007 @ 5:08 pm
come on…lets have a current picture of Eddie Vanhalen. This could inspire another post…How not to look like this.
by Jay, on December 4 2007 @ 2:51 pm
LMAO! Yo, I’m a newcomer to your site but I’m glad I just subscribed to your feed by email cause your blog is HILARIOUS! LOL… where’d you get those pictures from? LOL!
Jay
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