How To Jump Start Your Car

1. Make sure it’s snowing out.

2. Sleep in for an extra hour because you have the day off and your wife left for work already and the kid is at school. You’re alone in the house with just the dog. Celebrate by deciding to wear your pajama pants all day.

3. Sit down with the paper and open it to the crossword. Get excited because you don’t ever get to do the crossword - not that you ever do crosswords, but you never get the chance.

4. Answer 5 across - four letters “A Baldwin Bro” -Alec.

5. Read through the other clues carefully. Read them one more time to be sure.

6. Skip the crossword.

7. Decide to go grab a burger from a drive thru.

8. Grab your keys and put on some boots since it’s still snowing pretty good.

9. Start the car, but realize you forgot your wallet since you’re still in your pajama pants. Leave the car running to warm it up while you run inside to get your wallet.

10. Realize at the house door that you can’t unlock the house without your keys still in the car. Then realize that you locked the car door out of habit as you got out of it.

11. Watch the car die as it apparently runs out of gas as you’re waiting for the locksmith you called from your neighbors phone and who you’ve talked to probably once since you moved in and that was just a hey how are you? but now you’re trying to make small talk mostly about how stupid you are for locking your keys in your car while it’s snowing outside and you’re still celebrating your day off by staying in your pajama pants.

12. Call the tow guy to jump start your car after the locksmith unlocks it.

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