SubscribeHow To Train For American Gladiators
Posted on Dec 06, 2007 under How To Train |One of the greatest shows to ever grace the small screen, American Gladiators is set to return to NBC this January.
That should give you an idea of how excited I am about this.
I’m considering trying to fulfill a lifelong dream of competing on the show. Of course, in my current state I’d probably get my ass kicked.
So, I’m going to begin a new training regimen specifically geared towards my eventual/inevitable appearance on American Gladiators.
How To Train For American Gladiators
1. It would be silly to train for 40 minutes a day, twice a week if I didn’t actually get cast for the show. So first things first - you have to fill out the 27 page application which you can view in it’s entirety here.
There are 55 deep and probing interview questions on the application - here’s a few of the more important ones:
2. Get the proper equipment to begin training. Things you’ll need:
- A Nerf cannon.
- Tennis balls.
- Running shoes.
- Spandex.
3. Have a friend throw tennis balls at you while you try to shoot a target on the other side of the room. You can use things like the couch as cover.
4. At least once a week wear your running shoes and spandex and head to the mall. You’ll need to be comfortable in front of large crowds.
5. Tell your friends that between the hours of 7 and 8 p.m. they can randomly try to tackle you. Try to avoid them.
6. Head to the pet store and get a couple of hamsters and those ball thingies. Let the hamsters run around in those balls. Watch them closely - learn how they manipulate the ball to go where they want.
7. Do all this and just get ready to kick some ass!
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by Jean Costa, on December 6 2007 @ 1:23 pm
Very creative post
I enjoyed reading it.
by ArahMan7, on December 6 2007 @ 3:53 pm
Ditto to question #24 - Aladdin’s lamp and the three wishes. Everythings MORE!
Greetings and lotta loves from Malaysia.
by Beth, on December 6 2007 @ 4:36 pm
You’ll have to grow your hair, perm it and get a mullet cut. Not to mention go to the tanning salon twice a day every day-and grease yourself up with baby oil to get that slick look. Wow, I’m turned on already.
by How2Blogger, on December 6 2007 @ 4:54 pm
I’ve been trying to grow my hair. It just doesn’t work anymore. Though if it did it would definitely be permed and mulleted.
by Karen, on December 6 2007 @ 6:00 pm
Judging from that last picture, you’ll need to get a set of dentures the size of horse teeth in X-tra White. Also a personal tanning bed. And maybe a lobotomy (just a suggestion after reading the questionnaire).
by Beth, on December 7 2007 @ 11:41 am
If you need someone to give you a perm-call me. My mom is a retired beautician and I’ve learned how to do it. Sort of. I mean that one incident where Barbie lost her hair-it was just that one time.
by jackbravo, on December 7 2007 @ 3:56 pm
that’s friggin hilarious…you know i always wanted to do that too!
by Jason - GorillaSushi, on December 8 2007 @ 5:47 am
I would be all juiced up on steroids, foaming at the mouth like a race-horse, rippling with veins and sinew, screaming “LET’S DO THIS THING” and the announcer would say something about the next obstacle involving a lake and I would be like “oooooooo…that’s going to be deal breaker, old chum”.
“Fuck lakes” is right.
by Vic, on December 10 2007 @ 12:16 pm
I just felt really really old. I actually used to watch this on TV when it was not a rerun LOL. I guess my eyes might get watery when it comes back on again.
by erin, on December 10 2007 @ 3:19 pm
first of all, i agree that drowning sucks. but i do like lakes. but not burning. moving on.
second up is, ‘hello MALIBU!’ is that ‘dog: the bounty hunter’ 10 years ago? where’s beth?
by Jay, on December 13 2007 @ 5:41 pm
LOL! hilarious man! you have thought about this a lot, and i mean, a LOT lol… but great post!
Jay
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by How To Send How2Blogger To Disney World | How2Blogger, on January 18 2008 @ 11:04 am
[…] that How2Blogger asks for help as I’m usually too busy writing Haiku, growing mullets, or training for American Gladiators. But today - your favorite ‘How To’ Blogger has been nominated in the prestigious, […]