One of the greatest shows to ever grace the small screen, American Gladiators is set to return to NBC this January.

That should give you an idea of how excited I am about this.

I’m considering trying to fulfill a lifelong dream of competing on the show. Of course, in my current state I’d probably get my ass kicked.

So, I’m going to begin a new training regimen specifically geared towards my eventual/inevitable appearance on American Gladiators.

How To Train For American Gladiators

1. It would be silly to train for 40 minutes a day, twice a week if I didn’t actually get cast for the show. So first things first - you have to fill out the 27 page application which you can view in it’s entirety here.

There are 55 deep and probing interview questions on the application - here’s a few of the more important ones:

 

2. Get the proper equipment to begin training. Things you’ll need:

• A Nerf cannon.
• Tennis balls.
• Running shoes.
• Spandex.

3. Have a friend throw tennis balls at you while you try to shoot a target on the other side of the room. You can use things like the couch as cover.

4. At least once a week wear your running shoes and spandex and head to the mall. You’ll need to be comfortable in front of large crowds.

5. Tell your friends that between the hours of 7 and 8 p.m. they can randomly try to tackle you. Try to avoid them.

6. Head to the pet store and get a couple of hamsters and those ball thingies. Let the hamsters run around in those balls. Watch them closely - learn how they manipulate the ball to go where they want.

7. Do all this and just get ready to kick some ass!